Sit Update

I've been silent for a while, just really trying to deal with life. Sometimes successfully, sometimes not, but so it goes.........

Nothing much to say except.......

Respond, not react
Accept, don't resist
External is really the new internal

Day 89, 3 misses, but......

Still sitting.

Still Sitting

I've made 4 weeks as of yesterday. I would say that sitting is getting easier, but I don't want to grade the experience. I am having less trouble with my "Monkey Mind", although keeping him in check was always manageable. What has been getting better is keeping my body in check, just sitting and keeping my fidgeting to a minimum is better now.

My body is getting a little more comfortable sitting on a daily basis, and that's helped allow me to concentrate on my breath even more. It may soon be time to move onto other aspects of meditiation, but for now, still the breath.

Always the breath
In...
Out..
So...
Hum...
In...
Out...
Rise...
Fall...

Mindfully

Been away from here.......

I've been neglecting this spot, but to get back in the swing of things, I'm cross posting the next post from my Tricycle blog.

Then more later.......

3 Weeks

Yup, that's right, 3 weeks, 21 days, 3 fourths of a lunar cycle, a little over 2 thirds of a month (non February... March to be exact).

Yesterday, Sunday, March 15, 2009 was day 21.

A very pleasant surprise also, I sat for 28 minutes. Just kept falling into my self and becoming very relaxed. I guess a couple of things about my sitting.

First, I sit in a closet. Yes, yes, many jokes to be made, but it's a walk in closet, much room to be had, not crowded by any means. It's dark, but I keep the door cracked just a sliver and that provides a beam of light for focus when needed. I really don't have much trouble with the dark anyway, my mind is much too active to have problem becoming drowsy.

Second, I don't time my sits in the conventional way (you know, with some sort of clock, incense (not an option) or other timer. I count my breaths, I have a set number of breaths that generally takes about 22 minutes depending on my state of being on the particular day. Yesterday was 30 minutes. That meant I was relatively slow in my breathing.

My respiration has slowed down in the last year since i started practicing yoga. I am very cognisant of my breath and meditation has made me more so. I try not to control it during meditation, just observe. I think I've been able to do so most times, and yesterday I was aware of having a very slow breath but didn't think I would have been sitting 30 minutes. I was just so relaxed I cold have sat for another 15.

Again, being a relative newbie at this, I'll not indulge myself. One reason being that I am sitting Burmese style and it tends to be physically a challenge and even when I don't notice issues during a sit, they pop up later. Something I learned from years of physical activity (running, skiing, hiking, biking) is that during a really, really good session.....don't push too hard, it'll catch up to you. More so as the years go by.

So, 3 weeks came and went yesterday. I noted it, acknowledged it, let it pass. On to 22, it will be a new experience and not the same as 21 was or 23 will be, it'll just be 22, later today.

Anger

I'm Angry, I Feel anGer

Which is haRmful, Let It Go

without PrimaL Scream.

Dalai Lama Express

Went to see Dalai Lama Renaissance last evening. The film was about a group of 40+ of the world leading / cutting edge thinkers in a eclectic (love using this word) array of disciplines, who travel together to Dharamsala. They brainstorm ideas to present to the Dalai Lama with the purpose of addressing some of the worlds biggest problems (environmental, poverty, health concerns, etc.).

The first thing that was evident was how dysfunctional the group really is. They are very passionate about what they are doing, but because many of these people are leaders in their fields, compromise is, shall we say, a challenge. Whatever structure designed to underlay the conference soon breaks down, and everyone (invitees and guests alike) start mugging for their opportunity to present their ideas for discussion and to the Dalai Lama personally. At least some of them were aware of it. Fred Alan Wolf went so far as saying he knew he's asshole. LOL.

The real gem behind this though was the Dalai Lama himself. When presented with the idea of exerting economical pressure on China to address the Tibet problem, he GRACIOUSLY......I repeat, eloquently and graciously deferred the groups focus from this proposal. When pushed he said that this would only be an option if it did not harm the lives of the Chinese people. A stipulation that he knew could not be met. In doing this he offered his support, while placing a condition on it that would make the proposal impossible, offering a Win / Win for all involved. He went on to say any action must benefit both Tibet and China together.

Of the many themes presented here, the one that is most lasting is that of the Dalai Lama's compassion and happiness. From reading and hearing other accounts of encounters with His Holiness, this is an accurate portrayal. The Dalai Lama is interested in everyone he encounters, equally, without judgment. He is genuinely interested, and cares for all who grace his presence. And that is just it! He seems to always present the impression that he is blessed to be in your presence. Let me say he does not only present this as his image, this is how he is. This is why he is so very happy.

In one scene he is talking about being bitten by a mosquito and after a bit the entire crowd, Dalai Lama included, break into laughter. He is seen laughing and smiling so many times it is contagious. I think back to my own religious upbringing (Catholic) and the Dalai Lama's sense of humor in daily life was severely lacking. I could not in my wildest dreams, imagine a Pope, being as earthly and jovial and good natured and LOVING as the Dalai Lama. I certainly offer him my sincere gratitude for being himself. I wish and hope he is with us, in current incarnation, far a very long time.

Also, Big Sit on to Day 17 today (16 done).

But This One Goes To 11.............

Well hopefully it goes up to 90 (or more) but couldn't pass up on this Spinal Tap line.

11 down, 79 to go, going strong. By and far no problems, some sits are better than others, but I need to stop that, access for learning sake, but stop judging, it's not helpful. Really what is helpful is sitting, every sit is good, because it's a sit. Every sit is different, but that's just it, they are different. Not better, not worse, just different, just sit.

Once thing I have noticed is my back is getting looser. I still can't sit in the morning (unless I use a chair) but I'm not getting hot spots in the lower back after the sits anymore. I am however starting to get a little knee tenderness and back of the thigh, glute pulling in one leg. Need to ease off a little.

Anyway, on to Day 12.

Washing the Rice

"The Miracle of Mindfulness." It was written by a Buddhist monk named Thich Nhat Hahn.



He said, "While washing the dishes one should only be washing the dishes, which means that while washing the dishes one should be completely aware of the fact that one is washing the dishes. At first glance, that might seem a little silly: why put so much stress on a simple thing? But that's precisely the point. The fact that I am standing there and washing these bowls is a wondrous reality. I'm being completely myself, following my breath, conscious of my presence, and conscious of my thoughts and actions. There's no way I can be tossed around mindlessly like a bottle slapped here and there on the waves."

Sounds like the proverbial "stranger in a strange land". Our culture values productivity, espousing multi-tasking as a way of getting there, just as Buddhism values happiness and espouses the Eight Fold Path as its method. Society looks at washing the dishes as a necessary evil to be endured. No value placed in it what so ever, when we are wealthy enough, we pay someone else to do it for us (as little as we possibly can most often). This however, is our folly.

Not taking the time to be present only contributes and reinforces our busy "Monkey Mind". Even something as trivial as washing the dishes, or mowing the lawn or even washing the rice (as the Buddhist monk's saying goes) has immense inherent merit. When washing the dishes, feel the plate, the cloth, the warm pool of water, the way the rinse water feels different, the soil on the plate through the cloth as it is cleansed. Only then, after the dishes are done, do move on.

Move on the you son or daughter, your mother or father, your husband or wife, your loved one(s) and when you do move on, give them 100 percent of your attention, as you did the dishes. Focus, only on them.

When you are spending time with your loved ones, be truly present with them as well.

One Week Down

Wow, did it.

Sitting sure got easier as the week went on. I had challenges and some relaxation during the past week, sort of went through the extremes, but everything worked out fine.

I started this with minimal experience, 4 sessions under my belt and those were using mantra and visualization methods. During my own personal sits, I have been mostly using breath and thought awareness. At this point for me, it's better anyway.

My mind tends to be quite busy, and visualization is a bit difficult right now. I was listening to a couple of talks on Meditation this weekend (Jack Kornfield and Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche at Spirit Rock 04 02 2007 /available on Dharmaseed.org) and in these talks a busy mind was described as a "Monkey Mind". Well, my mind is 2 Monkeys gibbering away to each other.

By far, my biggest problem, not just in meditation, not really in meditation at all, but in daily life, is concentration. I have so much trouble concentrating, not because of outside distractions, I can ignore the outside world pretty well, but it's inside distractions that make me be scattered. I have so may thoughts that following one to fruition is almost impossible.

That is one thing that I think meditation is helping with now, even after only a couple of handfuls of sessions. They are not really long sits, 20-30 minutes tops, but they make me so much more attentive to my mind, and able to let things pass without focusing attention on the new, arising thoughts. Yesterday's (Day 7) sit was good. In fact it lasted almost 25 minutes (normally) 20, because I just plain didn't realize it had been that long. I haven't been timing my sits because I generally get up early and then go back to finish up, so it surprised me when I saw it had been almost 25 minutes.

Looking forward to the next 83 days!!

5, 6 Pick Up Sticks

Days 5 an 6 of the Big Sit were certainly challenging....but for very different reasons. Day 5's sit was Friday night after dinner and day 6 was late morning after Yoga.

Day 5 was strangely the better of the two. I've been sitting in the evening, mainly because my body isn't quite flexible enough early in the morning to comfortably sit. My evening sits are after work, dinner and dinner clean up so it's really a change of pace to sit. Mentally it usually takes a few minutes to settle in from being active and engaged to sitting and being mindful. Physically though it is much easier, my body is quite relaxed and ready to just settle in.

On Friday, I actually was surprised to wind up cooking (I hadn't expected it), but after the initial jolt of changing pace to cooking mode, I did loose my edge and settle nicely. Dinner actually came out very well, best batch of potato pancakes I think I've made. Clean up was pretty easy and then a quick shower, shave and ready to sit. But was sitting ready for me?

I generally sit in our closet, is that a bit strange? Maybe, but the closet provides an escape from the menagerie that is normally home life (wife, teenage daughter, 2 dogs, 2 cats). So I go up to the closet and my daughter is in the shower and the boom box is blaring. OK, now this is going to be a challenge. We'll if Noah Levine can meditate in chaos, well hey, then so can I.

What a surprise, the noise was actually easy to tune out, I didn't pay any attention to it, just my breath. My breath concentration was the best it has been yet, and my body was very relaxed. twenty minutes felt like 10 and it just flew by.

Day 6, in contrast was so difficult to settle. That was surprising also, because I had been to yoga in the morning, I was very relaxed and stretched out and my mind was really very still. When I went to sit however, I settled right in for about the first 7 or 8 minutes, then it was a fight. Total fidgeting, couldn't sit still.

Maybe it was the unrealistic expectation of having been to yoga and being calm, just couldn't live up to it. So Days 5 & 6 were certainly a Yin / Yang experience, that the more I think about, seems clear to be the result of differing expectations.

Day 5, low expectations, high distraction level but good sit.
Day 6, high expectations, low distraction level, poor sit.

Maybe the sits were actually the same, I just perceived them differently. A lesson to ponder perhaps........

Yes Dear

Early on in our marriage my wife and I had a conversation where she explained a little bit about the different natures of Mars and Venus. It had to do with our interactions after we came home from work and we both settled in to make dinner, deal with the kid, pets, house etc.

The basic point of the conversation was that, when she came home she needed to tell me certin things about her day. These things may have been something funny, or something that irked her, or some problem she ran into. Invariably, I would try and offer my take on her issues, offering suggested ways to solve the problem.

Mistake!

She didn't, doesn't, will never want any information of this nature during these venting, decompressing, ranting episodes. Maybe later, but not now, not unless she asks. Just listen........that's all, just listen and be there.

In the beginning this was so very difficult, but over the years I have gotten better at this. I have come to refer to this as our "Yes Dear" time. We have together time, private time, alone time to name a few....and we also have "Yes Dear" time. On some of these occasions she will rant about stupid Co-workers or customers or her boss. Yesterday a customer, nothing particularly spectacular about this tale when compared with the many that have preceded it, but this one was special.

She called him a "FuckHead".

Went on to make many grandiose statements about his Fuckheadedness and other fuckheads, but generally, was overwhelmed but his extreme Fuckhead act of that day.

In her honor I will now create a new series of posts, in the vein of Jeff Foxworthy's "You Might Be A Redneck" shtick, we now have "You might be a fuckhead...."

We also have a special "You Might Be a Fuckhead" award.




So to wrap this up here's the first of probably many honoree's.

"If you try to return a recalled food product with only the receipt because you have already eaten the entire freakin' box of food that was recalled.........
You Might Be a Fuckhead!"

Oh yeah, by the way, Big Sit Day 4 last night was the best yet, 15 minutes before antsyness set in. A Real Good Sit.

Three, It's a Magic Nmber

Three Up, Three Down.

Starting to get into a rhythem here. Getting easier to feel my breath. Feel good.

Looking forward to #4 tomorrow.

:)

With a Little Help From My Friends

Not that two days in it was needed, but there was a little help from my friends last night. Been going to a regular meditation group sitting on Tuesdays for a month or so now, and last night was Day 2 of the Big Sit. The meeting was good, a nice 10 minute Dharma talk before the meditation and then some sitting.

The talk was on Impermanence, something everyone needs a little more touch of in our daily lives in my view. Just a little nod to the fact that things have changed, things are changing and things will always change. Don't get too attached to the here and now, it won't last.

At the same time, knowing it won't last, savor the moment. Appreciate it........

"For, we may never pass this way again......"

Started !!

Well, 1st day of the Sit, first day of Sitting. A little unsure about myself, this is all very new to me. Lot's of readings and listening, at places Tricycle, Shambala Sun, Audio Dharma and many other places. There is lots of good information out there. But there are certainly many different ways of sitting.

Meditation sure can be lots of different things. The most prevalent instruction / descriptions that have come across seem to be awareness of the breath and mindfulness. That's what the first attempt today involved.

Just mind on the breath...
mind on the breath...
mind being aware.....
oh, there's a thought......
what is it.......
OK, that's it.....
let it go.....
be aware.....
another thought.....
let it go......
another thought....
another thought....
let it go.....
let them all go.....
breath.....
mind on breath.....
breath.....
mind on breath.....
mind on being aware.....

Eyes open, time to rise.

Good job self.......
wait, no self......
More tomorrow.....

:) :) :)......
be aware......

Gotta Get Back To This Place

I've been neglecting this site. So figured I'd kick start it for myself.

I signed up today for the Big Sit over at Tricycle Magazine. Committing to 90 days of daily meditation, the 16 precepts, studying the Genjokoan, ........

Glad this came up, I've been looking to jump start myself, and just like Yoga a year ago, I think this is just the ticket. I'm going to do this (that's a statement).